Holy piss! (and God, you’re a twat)

My favourite blogging pachyderm Milennium Elephant writes about the hilarious Air Vatican debacle. The Vatican, no longer able to rook money out of the faithful by selling indulgences, is fleecing them by organising flights to the shrine of Lourdes. Flights? The same Vatican whose boss today held a mass for the environment?

Where, according to the fairy tales, miraculous cures happen. My multiply handicapped foster sister has been several times and God has so far refused to ease her considerable suffering one iota. God, if you’re reading: you’re a twat. She’s in constant pain, loved by everyone, kind to everyone (she’s even a virgin, which is usually important in these matters). Why won’t you help? Are you too busy having America under you? Disapproving of people with HIV? Intelligently designing something new, like a new and better strain of malaria? Your new Extreme Drug Resistant TB is going down a storm in all those poor countries you haven’t sent any manna to recently.

Anyway, said pilgrims, flying home had their holy water (water, in the catholic church has a fourth phase: ice, liquid water, steam and holy), the stuff usually contained in rather crappy Virgin Mary shaped bottles - her crown unscrews do you can pour the holy H2O out (example here). Ah, oops. Flight security. Can’t take more than 100 ml of water lest it be a bomb. So all the pilgrims have been drinking their holy water at departures.

Which leads to the obvious question. Does the holiness of the water denature as it goes through the kidneys? Are the airliner holding tanks subsequently filled with sanctified piss? What would St Bernadette of Lourdes think?