Intestines wound out on a winch please: God and

the person who invented widgets for Max OSX. I bet you sat at the back of the class, picked your nose and ate the bogies (with relish) while musing on ways to fuck up people’s desktops and slow their lives down.

There are millions of the bastard things. Hit the wrong key and they shoot out and infest your desktop, like wasps attacking a jam-smeared nudist (only funny if the attackee is a fat German, Japanese, Karl Rove or the Pope who of course falls into two categories and deserves hornets). They bring on a fit of key stabbing on the f10 f11, f12 as windows come and go, documents vanish, dim and brighten up and evenually the damn things f-off.

They offend Ockhams’s Razor, they are multiplication of pointless entities. Stop it. You’re not a developer, you’re wanking and breaking the first laws of self abuse by doing it where we can all see you.

OK, maybe winding intestines out on a drum is a little harsh, but God definitely deserves it for today’s piece of work. I’m just warming up for that one.

Things about which a shite should not be given:

football.  England 1, Russia 2.

Move along now, nothing to see here.  People are starving in this world.

Get your Christ outta my fish: piscology now!

‘Say amen to this, Jesusfish!’ My evofish can bend one into your Jesusfish anyday. Before marriage, too. Late arrivals at the piscologists’ ball was my excuse to show off the fact I’d been in the Natural History Museum spirit room and seen a Coeleocanth. Dead, much abused and head down in a big test tube of booze, but still a Latimeria chalumnae which not many can claim to have seen even the right way up and sober. I wrongly called fishologists ‘piscologists’ (them spirit room fumes were powerful medicine) and was put right in comments by Richard Carter of Gruts who reminded me that they’re really called icthyologists.

(Which sounds like the study of eructata, or possibly sloppy crap.)

Well, them Christians have rather monopolised this Icthos thing, so I say we science-believin’ rationalists should dump the Latin Christian Icthy- and replace it with the greek Pisc, until all Christians sign a statement affirming that evolution by natural selection is the dog’s, while ID and creationism are the spawn of dodgy old literature written by the gullible, the needy and the bewildered for the gullible, the needy and the bewildered. Then they can have their ‘icthy’ back.

More cartoons laughing at creationists (fish, barrel, shooting) here.

Come extinction:

we are not worthy of this planet. (2)

Bullshit.

Come, extinction. We are not worthy of this planet.

Well the twat who dreamed up a 24-carat gold, diamond studded MacBook certainly isn’t. Anyone who buys one deserves scaphism. (And I’m a Mac user.)

One of the less explicable facets of human nature is the capacity to attach meaning and extravagent value to useless objects. Now, this causes great things like an ability to appreciate art and beauty, but at the opposite end of the bell curve makes for a stupidity that makes me want to rend my garments. A key from the Titanic recently sold for £90,000. It was the key to the lookout binocular locker, which some careless soul took with him when he left the ship before it set sail on its one and only voyage. An object of minor interest in a story of endless fascination, reasonable subject for a little counterfactual speculation during a drunken evening at anchor (’bu’if they’d got a fender over the side…’), but worth more than most African villages will produce in a decade?

If you are tempted to attribute pointless worth to inanimate objects and pay a lot of money for them, why not saw the top off your skull, scoop out your brains and feed ‘em to passing hungry dog, ‘cos you don’t fucking need or deserve ‘em.

‘North Yorkshire County Council is crap’

a search term brought one wandering soul to lunartalks.  Hope you enjoyed the stay.

Their Social Services department certainly are in my lengthy, torrid experience.

Diana Inquest: at times like this, I’d like to be French

or American, or from any country that has done away with its monarchy so I wouldn’t have to put up with this time-expired shite masquerading as news.

As someone said, she’s still dead at the end off all this, right?

Sorry to pick on the low-hanging fruit of the BBC, almost every newspaper in Britain has pics of Them in the life, too.

“I’ve had nine heart attacks and two strokes

and two failed heart operations. Second operation I woke up in the middle, chest wide open an everythin’ and grabbed the anaesthetist round the throat. He had to grab my jugular to knock me out again. I thought I were dreamin’ but it hurt like fuck. When I woke up I though I’d dreamed it and I asked the nurse and she said it never happened. I asked for a mirror. Why, she says you can’t shave. Just get us a mirror, I says. Anyway, I have a look and I’ve got this fuckin’ great big black bruise on me neck.’

‘Then I sees the surgeon, four beds away. So I shouts ‘hey bollocks!’ and he comes over and I asked him if it all happened like I thought. Yes, he said. Just like you said. he said me heart’s so badly damaged a lot of the, you know, anaesthetic would have killed me so gave me just enough to keep me asleep, only it didn’t. He says, I admit it, if you want to you can sue us.  Nah, I says, I just wanted the truth.’

Conversation today.

Twenty seconds of hate.

People who wear USB memory sticks round their necks.

The earth bites back.

Maybe there is something in this Gaia the earth bites back stuff. Hello brain eating amoeba.

Aetiology has more science on the matter here.