Atheist vs Christian compost-off.

On the left, a compost bin filled with atheist derived compost, indicated by a heathen windchime with optional dreamcatcher dooberry fitted. On the right, a bin filled with vegetable peelings supplied by the local convent, marked with a Palm cross wot I stole from the last house I burgled while looking for Christian babies to sell. Both will be left to do their thang for six months, they will be treated equally: any of Darwin’s satanic little vermiform helpers I find under flower pots etc. I shall divide equally between the two. They will be turned to aerate them as should all good compost heaps. In six months we will see whether atheist or christian vegetable detritus make the best compost.

But here is the dilemma: do I pee on just the atheist compost, or do I I share the goodness? Along with low-energy light bulbs and firebombing 4×4s (SUVs to colonial bretheren), this is my bit to save the planet because depeeing flushed water takes a shedload of energy. And pee is a great compost heap accelerator, but would atheist urine denature christian peelings? Would it be a kind of atheist reverse baptism? I’d hate to give the atheist compost an unfair advantage. I want this to be a dark, crumbly, fertile atheist win fair and square.