Atheist vs Christian compost-off half time score.

It started here. Jesus ain’t going to be the humus in my allotment this year. The atheist bin (left) is dark, crumbly, rich, full of Darwin’s little satanic vermiform helpers and on its way to compost greatness. The Christian bin is as slimy as a missionary’s handshake and smells like an Archishop’s denial. The cross-denominational judges were to be from Ugglebarnby branch of the Avengers of Islam, and Giggleswick Primitive Methodists, but answerphone messages said that that the Methodist was hung over and the Avenger said he had gone to get 72 urchins. That’s a shitload of echinoderms!

In their absence proceedings were overseen by next door’s rescue dog, Maxie. He was hit by a car a few months ago, had a few legs broken, lost a few teeth so his tongue lolls out of the left side of his mouth, drools, is deaf (should be called Lucky, really) but is a gentle, charming creature who announced his decision by cocking a leg and pissing all over the Christian heap. I didn’t photograph the moment of decision. That would have been crass.